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Heavenly Birthdays

Uncle Jerry and Aunt Lois

We celebrated Aunt Lois and Uncle Jerry’s first birthdays in heaven this past week. They were born four days apart and had been married 66 years. There marriage is a testimony to us all that with hard work, patience, unselfishness, and God in your marriage, you can share a lifetime together.

As I thought about Aunt Lois on her earthly birth date, I had warm feelings of love stemming from beautiful memories. I was missing her, and there was an empty place in my heart, but I wasn’t overwhelmed by sadness.

But when Uncle Jerry’s birthday came four days later, I was overwhelmed with emotion. Tears welled up. My chest tightened. I wanted to cry a deep cleansing cry. Why? I had no idea! Where were the warm feelings of love stemming from beautiful memories? I have those memories of Uncle Jerry. Those times he made me feel like I could accomplish anything. Or when he made special food because he knew I liked it. Or painted a country church on a rock for me, way before rock painting became popular. He had me try chewing tobacco just like my boy cousins. Okay, that one isn’t warm and fuzzy, but it makes me laugh.

At his funeral, I couldn’t stop crying. Uncle Jerry was strong, invincible, in my mind. Strong people like Uncle Jerry seemingly should live forever. The night before he died, my mom called to say he wasn’t doing well. It was late. I was tired. I didn’t want to bother him if he was resting. I felt a tugging in my spirit to go, but I decided I would go right after work the next day. He passed away the next morning, just before the school day started. I couldn’t believe it; I had missed the chance to say goodbye! That day, I didn’t just have an empty place in my heart, my heart was broken. My strong Uncle Jerry was gone.

If I am going to have peace about Uncle Jerry leaving, I need to remember that he is happy in heaven. He is safe and forever with Aunt Lois. He has seen the face of Jesus! I can’t go back for a final goodbye, but I have many wonderful memories for my future. He wouldn’t want me to cry. He would want me to rejoice in the saving grace of Jesus. Rejoice that, one day, I will be there, too.

So, happy birthday, Uncle Jerry! I love you, and I will see you again, one day. Get ready for an enormous hug! Oh, and we will be able to hear each other, loud and clear!

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A Night with Sweet Aunt Lois

My husband and I walked into her hospital room and saw her frail, 83 year-old body resting, her white crowned head turned away from the door. I stood quietly for a moment, yellow gowned and blue gloved, watching Aunt Lois sleep. The rise and fall of her blanket gave reassurance that she was still with us. So many emotions were flooding over me, fond memories warming my heart. She started to stir; I softly called her name. She opened her eyes and said with a gentle, shaky voice the sweet term of endearment of my aunts and uncles, “Oh, Dawnie,” and suddenly I was a little girl again, coming to spend the night, or cook with her, or play with her Avon samples.

She reached out her thin hand. I could feel the coolness of her fingers through my hospital gloves. My husband, Terry, asked how she was doing, and she responded “My stomach is a little upset, but I can’t complain.”

She can’t complain.

Six months ago, Aunt Lois suffered a major heart attack. Since then, she has fought C. diff, a contagious bacteria that causes possibly life threatening colitis (hence the gowns and gloves). This is her third round in almost six months. The C. diff led to her being transferred from her mostly independent living facility in Plainfield to a nursing home in Brownsburg, causing her to be separated from her husband of 66 years. My Uncle Jerry is on oxygen and cannot travel very far from home. After being separated for a few months, he transferred to a room in the more independent building of her nursing home, riding his scooter over to her building for visits. Due to Uncle Jerry being more independent, he was not allowed to room with her in the nursing home building. A week or so later, Aunt Lois fell during the night and broke her hip, which led to her current stay in the hospital. The day before our visit, she had hip replacement surgery, which led to her kidneys shutting down.

She can’t complain.

How can she not? How can she still find hope? Where does her peace and comfort come from when she gets anxious feelings about her damaged heart, having a hard to manage bacterial infection, going through major surgery, and her organs shutting down? How does she love on me in that hospital room when she is in the midst of making the decision to go through dialysis or go under sedation and quietly leave us all?

She can’t complain…because of Jesus.

Her unwavering faith in her Savior gives her the peace and comfort to live with her infirmities and confidently make the life and death decisions. Her knowledge of the promises in His Word bring her strength to one day slip from this life and into His waiting arms, when He calls her home. His commandment to love one another gives her the ability to love others, even when it would be understandable to focus on herself.

“I never thought I would live to be this old,” she said with gratitude. “I have so many things to be thankful for.”

We talked about her 66 years of marriage. “So many people ask how we stayed together for so long. I tell them it is about being flexible and loving each other to work through the hard times.”

As we continued our visit, I read scripture to her from the hospital Gideon Bible. Her standard request: the 23rd Psalm.

Psalm 23  New King James Version (NKJV)

The Lord the Shepherd of His People

A Psalm of David.

23  The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell[a] in the house of the Lord
Forever.

 If you read that passage quickly or skipped over the passage altogether, whether because you know it so well or have no desire for such things, I encourage you to read it slowly. Let the words speak to your soul, words like shepherd, leads, still waters, restores, fear no evil, comfort, prepare, cup runs over, goodness, mercy, all the days of my life, dwell in the house of the Lord Forever.

As we got ready to leave Aunt Lois for the night, the three of us prayed together. I leaned in to hug her, as other family members have done, as they were healthy enough to do so, and laid my cheek on her forehead. She felt cautious (from the infectious C. diff), breathing out, “Oh.” Her body responded in relief and comfort as she put her arm around mine. I could not withhold from her, in possibly her last days, the warmth of skin contact, the touch that bonds humans from birth. After all, I learned to live by my faith and His Word in part from her example; I was now called to walk in that faith and show her love, my sweet Aunt Lois, who had shown me love over my 53 years.

“Dear children, let us not love with words and speech but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:18 (NIV)

As Aunt Lois prepares to meet Jesus, we prepare to live with her through memories. I know my nights with her are limited (days, months), but I am grateful for the time that we have left, and I pray that I do not take for granted my time that is left on this earth. It is so easy to let earthly plans get in the way of the true reason we are here, loving God and loving others.

James 4:13-17 (NLT) best sums up my visit with sweet Aunt Lois.

14 How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. 15 What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.” 16 Otherwise you are boasting about your own pretentious plans, and all such boasting is evil.

17 Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.

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Soggy Gratitude

I went out for a 4 mile run. It started raining lightly at about 1 1/2 miles. At almost 2 miles, it started to downpour, and the wind was blowing hard. I stopped under a pine tree to see if it would let up. After a few minutes, it lightened up a little, but the wind was still strong. I was cooling off, so I started running. I had a decision to make: stop early or finish my 4 miles. It would have been easy to give up (cold, windy, wet), but I didn’t want to stop just because it got a little tough. Sometimes, life is hard. So I kept going. I thought about what I tell my students when times get difficult, and I started focusing on the positive and counting my blessings. 

  • I was already wet, so why not keep running? 
  • I was provided shelter when the rain was at it’s hardest. 
  • I was physically capable of running. 
  • I was going to finish my 4 miles. 
  • I had my best pace of the season.
  • I was on Spring Break. 
  • It was Saturday. No, wait…it was Friday (Spring Break brain). 

Then I thought about what Friday it was, Good Friday. I reflected on Jesus’ agony on the cross as a sacrifice for our sins, my sins. I thought about the pain of being ridiculed, mocked, physically beaten, and the torture of crucifixion. I prayed a prayer of thanks as I finished my cold, rainy run with a very grateful heart for the love of God. 

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Food Challenged

I am participating in a 21 day, no junk food challenge with some friends (no sweets, chips, white bread, etc.). Today is day seven, and I have been strong up to this point. I put away the Golden Oreos, rearranged the Lindor Chocolate Truffles, and passed on making Rice Krispies Treats with a strong determination to replace those sweets with fresh fruits and vegetables. I snubbed temptation when warm Olive Garden breadsticks were sitting on the table right next to my hand. And for six days, I sailed through every obstacle.

But today? Today was my first true test of will power – hot, chocolate pudding and ice cream. It is one of the occasional dairy items I consume, knowing I will pay the price later with a painful gut.

My students made the pudding in cooking class. Watching the warm, chocolate glob melt the creamy whiteness as I dished it out drove me crazy! Then, I set about washing the dishes (out of time for students to do the washing). Alone in the kitchen holding the spoon, I visualized how it would feel in my mouth and taste on my tongue. I thought, “Will eating this and cheating a little on the challenge bring disaster?” Of course not! I mean, pudding is not inherently evil; a small lick or spoonful is not going to ruin my life. God created chocolate and wants us to enjoy His creation, right? Besides, no one was looking. Who would ever know?

But here is the reason I stayed strong and put hot, soapy water in the pot and rinsed the spoon. I made a commitment. I promised to stay true to this challenge for 21 days, no licks or bites involved. And even though I was alone in the kitchen in that moment, later my daily status update would have to ring true. So, I turned my focus from chocolate pudding and thanked God for creating wonderful foods that are useful for our bodies, like blackberries, walnuts, and avocados.

Lesson learned on day seven: yearn for the Creator, not the creation.

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I Survived the Week!

What a week! It started with a spotty rash, itching, and skin crawling…back to safe diet (no dairy, peanuts, etc.). Doc said mold counts were high earlier in the week, and a week long freeze would help (not the remedy I had in mind). Friday ended the week with me hitting my head on a fire extinguisher and gashing my scalp. I thought that was the cherry on top of a week of stressors, but no.

Last night, someone decided to throw an egg at our house. Luckily it only hit the stone and not Brad’s new car. Over the last 10 years, we have had a bottle rocket launched into our garage, a giant picture of male genitalia spray painted in gold on our garage door, and now the egg.

But, when this life gets tough, when our spirit gets down, when we feel overwhelmed, God still sits on his throne, watches over us, and waits for us to join Him in heaven. He provided a friend to come assess the gash on my head. This morning, on my Facebook feed, post after post from my friends’ pages were clearly the voice of The Lord speaking directly to my pain and frustrations of this week. What peace that brought my soul! What an attitude adjustment I received! And my heart sincerely cries out, “Thank you, Lord!”

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Dark Running

Moving the clocks back in the fall means racing from work to run outside while there is still daylight. It gets dark at 6:00 p.m., and there are still more than six weeks left until the winter solstice. It will get darker earlier each evening until then.

Tonight, I tried to run three miles on a trail before the sun set. When I started out, there was plenty of light, even though the sun was low in the sky. Orange, yellow, and red leaves carpeted the path. The scene was beautiful, but the fallen leaves made it more difficult to see any roots or rocks that might be underneath. Thank goodness I was very familiar with this trail, because darkness came on quickly. I turned around to head back in, and the trail became harder to follow in the dimming light. I felt like I was in a scary movie where the ground fades a little more with each step. I started to get concerned, because I have fallen on fairly flat ground before, and I did not want to take a spill in the dark.

Evidence of falling on a trail run in the daylight

Evidence of falling on a trail run in the daylight

Eventually, only shades of light and dark could be seen, no color or the leaves on the ground, and I used the dark tree trunks to show me the way. I prayed that God would get me back to the trailhead without injury, and that He would guide my path. At the last hill, which I knew had many roots. I decided to take the flat trail out to the field by the parking lot, instead. Victory! I made it to the car without injuring myself. Even though I felt blessed to have God’s protection, I decided that future trail runs would not be made so close to sunset in the future.

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Connected to the Vine of Life

With the temperature in the 80’s and humidity in the 70’s, last Friday’s run was extremely challenging. My goal was to run six miles, but I was ready to throw in the towel by mile three. Sweat dripped out of every pore on my body, and my time was extremely slow. Then, something wonderful happened. As I came out of the treeline and into a clearing, a breeze blew across my body. Not a stiff wind, but a gentle breeze that came and went. I said, “Thank you, God,” with a smile.

That breeze reminded me that I need to be connected to the Lord daily. I need to communicate with him and read his Word. Otherwise, I will be like the branch separated from the vine, and I will not bear spiritual fruit. The branch alone is dead; it is the vine that gives it life.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.” (John 15:5-8)

Feeling refreshed, I aimed at mile four. As I pressed on, I began a prayer of praise.

Lord, thank you for the heat; thank you for the cold.

Thank you for the sun; thank you for the clouds.

Thank you for the cool breeze; thank you for the still air.

Lord, thank you for the rain; thank you for clear skies.

Thank you for the snow; thank you for clear, crisp air.

Lord, thank you for the summer; thank you for the winter.

Thank you for the spring; thank you for the fall.

Lord, thank you for providing for my every need.

I kept running past mile four. Just before mile five, the air was still and heavy. I didn’t think I would make mile six. I stopped for a drink of water at the trail head fountain.

“What do you think, Lord? Should we go for six?”

I entered the trail and felt a breeze blow on my wet skin. “Mile six it is!”

I finished mile six, and although the running was slow, and there were a few yards of walking, it felt good to finish. Even more satisfying was spending alone time with my Creator, feeling as if we were the only beings in the universe. As I started my mile cool down walk, a refreshing breeze swirled around me all the way down Grace Drive.

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Love and Grief

holding child hand

My husband, Terry, gave the communication meditation last Sunday. He did not tell me his topic beforehand, which made it that more impactful when I heard it.

He shared a time in his life when he was moving from northern to central Indiana. His 3-year-old and 2-month-old daughters stayed with his parents in Wisconsin, while he and his first wife moved all of their belongings. The morning after the move into the new house, there was a knock on the door. It was the police telling him to call his parents. They did not have the phone turned on yet, and this was before cell phones. The police could not tell him why, but he needed to call home.

His face pinched with pain, my husband, who is usually a rock when it comes to his emotions, continued on. His eldest brother answered the phone, which told my husband that something was terribly wrong. His first thought was that something had happened to his dad.

“What’s going on?” were the first words out of Terry’s mouth. He tried to keep it light, to soften the bad news he felt was coming.

His brother blurted out, “Melanie is dead.”

No one can prepare you for the pain of losing your 2-month-old child and feeling helpless hundreds of miles away. No one can explain away the feeling of loss for a child you will never see grow up. For years he has wondered why this had to happen, while also understanding that God has the big picture and a plan, even if he cannot understand it with his limited human intelligence.

On Sunday, after he had told his story, Terry said. “This is how God feels…”

I thought he was going to say God felt this way watching Jesus, His son, die on the cross for our sins; it was a communion meditation, after all. Except, Terry used the present tense of ‘feel.’

“…when He loses one of us,” he finished.

God grieves when His children choose to leave their faith in Him and put their faith in a fallen world. He grieves when his children hear the message, but turn away from its Truth. God loved us so much that he sent His son to die for us. With a love that complete comes the pain of losing the ones you love, and there is not one of His creation that He does not love.

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B-e-a-utiful Day!

A beautiful morning for a run, but I got started late, again. I started doing some chores, got ready for my run, and realized I hadn’t eaten. I didn’t want to bonk, so I ate something light and did a few more chores. The temperature was not as cool by the time I left the house, but the streets and Monon Trail were mostly shaded. I decided to run north on the Monon until I ran out of shade, which added another mile to my run, but it felt good. I enjoyed the birds and butterflies as I ran, praising God for His beautiful creation.

On the way back, I realized that my cool down walk included about a third mile of street that would be mostly in the sun, at this point. When I crossed the road and started down the street, a big, fluffy cloud covered the sun where I would have been in the direct sunlight. I smiled and said, “Thank you, Lord.” I had cloud cover for half of the street and a little shade from trees for the rest. Since I planned on blogging the event, I looked for the street sign to find the name, because I just call it the street to the Monon. I looked at the sign and it read ‘Grace.’ How perfect!

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My One Thing

What is the most important thing in your life? In my life it is my relationship with God. He is my Creator, my heavenly Father, my Savior, and Lord of my life. My one desire is to follow Him, worship Him, and live my life for Him. Unfortunately, sometimes life’s distraction pull my attention away from my one desire. In writing about this journey, I hope to keep my focus on Him in the middle of the chaotic times as well as the quiet moments.